Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Boobs speak an international language.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think my moral compass just broke
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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