This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
