In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
