We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
