I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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