You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
