Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
