...so i touched it.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Alive.
So much puke
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
