i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
