I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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