hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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