If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
