i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
