The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Let's get the cat blown out
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
