I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
