Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
