let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
