He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
