a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
