She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
