A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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