I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
