dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
