It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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