I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
