I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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