was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
