i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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