Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
