The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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