He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
