why didn't you poke me back
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
