I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
