You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
