The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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