First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
