They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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