I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
