I bet he comes in French.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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