3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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