It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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