I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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