we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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