I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I currently don't understand fingers.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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