Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
