bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
