Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
