I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
