Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How external is "for external use only"?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
