4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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